Borrowed Angel essentially wrote itself through tearful blog posts during the first two years after Ty passed away. I was never someone who could pick up the phone and call a family member or a friend while feeling trapped inside my loss. It was like I’d mentally step inside a box, where the walls were covered in mirrors reflecting my grief, and I couldn’t see outside of it. In those moments, I couldn’t imagine that the pain would pass and that I would breathe or live normally again. In the confined privacy of my grief, I could only step outside of it by grabbing my laptop and writing on my family blog.
Something powerful occurred almost every time. As I slowed my thoughts down enough to document them, bits of truth, understanding, and comfort crept into my mind. My fingers captured these treasures as I typed and worked through my emotions. So much would have been lost to me had I not taken the time to “write my tears into words” as the image above indicates. I believe my personal experience in grieving would have been totally different, with far less positive light found throughout, had I not transformed my loss into words and discovered the teaching moments made available to me.
I was truly lucky to have a small but tender audience following my blog, taking the time to read through the heaviness of my posts and leave me words of comfort, encouragement, or just as powerfully–the simple words of, “I’m so sorry you are going through this.” Despite the weight of my words, as time passed various friends and readers started encouraging me to write a book about my experiences because somehow they still felt uplifted after reading my posts. Taking their words to heart, and learning a ton from the long-winded process of also trying to get my first YA fiction published, Borrowed Angel was created and published in April 2014, four years after losing Ty to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Indeed, so much lost had I not written my tears.
So the next time you feel like you’re drowning in anger or sadness or fear, find a keyboard. Or better yet, a notebook and a pen. Experience the cathartic nature of expressing your emotions through writing, or maybe drawing–SOME kind of outlet for your feelings. Every piece may not be beautiful. In fact, some of it might not feel or look inspiring and might appear down right dark and scary, but at least its out of your head. Win that battle to release those emotions! After some time, I believe you will see a pattern, that whether through your words or the cleansing you feel in your heart, positive change will be on the horizon.
If you’d like to read some of the emotionally raw blog posts that lead to Borrowed Angel, I transferred the relevant posts here: http://www.taumafai.blogspot.com/