Battling Guilt ~ Excerpt from Borrowed Angel

417altbw417altbwOne of the toughest battles I faced as a mother who suddenly lost her baby boy was working through guilt. It was a heavy, destructive burden to believe I played a part in my child’s death. I questioned my actions, wondering what I could have done differently–trapped in a whirlwind of unanswerable questions and regret. When people (especially strangers) would ask about Ty’s death, I often noticed how their questions about the details centered on figuring out  what might have caused him to pass away. That’s not unusual to want to pacify curiosity. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is somewhat of an anomaly that causes eyebrows to furrow and jaws to drop open with confusion and horror. However, it became increasingly difficult when I could sense that these questions were being asked so they could know what to do or not to do with their own babies. To me, in my vulnerable state, I took that to mean they believed his death was preventable, and if it was preventable, I must have done something wrong. Looking back, I can see the flaws and sensitivity in my thinking, but given my circumstances, how could I not continue to question myself when I knew so many others were doing the same thing?

458altChapter 9 from Borrowed Angel describes some of the journey that took place as I sought comfort and peace over the years.

BorrowedAngel_Chapter9

3 Comments

  1. Beautifully written! I am eager to read the rest of the book when it comes out. Isn’t it amazing that satan knows just how to get to us to wear us down. But when we turn to our Heavenly Father He will lift and strengthen us and carry us through our own Gethsemane. You are such an incredible example of faith!

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